More Than Mrs

I'm quite used to Southern Hospitality, as I am from New Orleans. Moving to Mississippi has exposed us to different customs and culture. The entire South is not the same.  Many similarities, but also many differences. This isn't good or bad, just different. We've had to adjust to so many differences and learn the various customs and culture being here since Hurricane Katrina.

I am polite to people and always treat them respectfully. My mother never forced us to refer to people as Ma'am and Sir, although she would not tolerate us disrespecting anyone, nor calling anyone out of their names. Just treat people right, and speak to them correctly. She also did not want people to call her Ma'am.

Here, in Mississippi it's different. We have experienced that some women in particular in our circle become quite inflamed, insulted, and downright upset if they are not referred to as Ma'am. They "correct" my children and even my husband and I if we fail to do so. Particularly in the church. And ESPECIALLY if they're older.

You know, I really do respect that, but I've been taken aback by the extreme feelings on it. Honestly, just by calling someone Ma'am doesn't mean that you respect them.  So, I figured it was deeper than what I saw on the surface.

Also "different" for me in the church is the way people refer to one another. Ok, what I mean by that is by the prefixes they attach.  I am strongly accustomed to being referred to as Sister in the church in New Orleans.  You are Sister or Brother so-and-so, unless you have a "special" title (i.e., Reverend, etc.).  I am not big on titles. But, I understand the Sister or Brother, because in Christ, we are Sisters and Brothers.

Here, in Mississippi, it's a little different. They do say Sister or Brother at times, but most of the time they refer to you as Mr. or Mrs.  I just found that so odd in the church.  They will say, or write for example, Reverend and Mrs. Nix. Or they will refer to me as Mrs. Nix. Personally, I know I'm Mrs. Nix, I know who I'm married to, but communicating with one another in church, I'm your Sister.

It struck me as odd, but their custom is so embedded and strong for them, I knew again that it was deeper than that.

Early on, I told my husband that I saw it as more of a statement.  Maybe the younger generations may not understand it, and do so only out of custom. But I believed that the prefixes (and the referral as Ma'am & Sir) was a badge of honor, respect, and a statement that yes I am a Man or a Woman worthy of this just as they are.

Who are they? They are those who oppressed Black people and treated us less than human. I knew that this was driven from the civil rights era and beyond.

Today, I received confirmation. I watched a wonderful interview on ABC's Good Morning America by Robin Roberts. She spoke with (Judge) Gordon Martin who is the author of a new book release, "Count Them One By One".  Judge Martin explores a crucial time in the civil rights movement as Black Mississippians fought to vote.  I thoroughly enjoyed the interview and found the book interesting.  Read an excerpt by clicking the title above.

Judge Martin confirmed my conclusion when he said that Blacks weren't referred to as "Mrs" back then. Meaning that the White community would not afford our people that respect.  He specifically spoke of a courageous woman who was always denied the right to vote. She'd signed her name as Mrs (husband's name).

I believe that when we developed a stronger voice, and was able to do stand tall, we were determined to obtain the SAME respect and honor as any other person in this world. Especially here in the deep South, and here in Mississippi.

That is why, no matter how extreme I found people's affinity to the terms Ma'am, Sir, Mr., Mrs., were, I honored the significance of them.  And I give homage to all of the men and women who endured, suffered, and died so that I too can enjoy the freedom and rights as everyone else.  Not trying to spew a cliche, but, it is true that we have come a long way, yet we still have a ways to go.  There is still room for improvement, and unfortunately some will never look at me, or any other Black person with respect, honor, or even a glimmer of love. But that's ok.  I'm blessed with love from those that matters.

Mrs. Carla Y. Nix