She Lives!

I am reminded of our first visit back to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina’s devastation back in 2005.  When we were finally allowed back in our neighborhood, it was heart wrenching. After the initial shock of seeing the remains of our destroyed home, there was something else that remained with me even more profoundly than that visual. It was the stillness and quietness.

There was no movement and no sound! My husband, son, and I just looked at everything in shock. And then we began the work that we’d come there to do. Remove what was now debris. Yet, the stillness and quietness of our once lively neighborhood remained with me. There was absolutely no sign of life! We know that our next door neighbor’s dog died because the officials had written that fact on their house. But it amazed me how it seems as though ALL life had stopped. There was not one bird flying around. No chirping. No stray dogs. No barking. No cats. Of course no sounds of children laughing and playing. No sounds of cars driving or horns blowing. And most amazing of all, not even the wind was blowing. The trees….what was left….just stood still.

A once bustling site of life had been silenced and stilled. It was eerie.

I sort of feel like that again. Silenced and stilled. At least, that’s how my life has been since May 30^th. Thank God I did NOT physically die, but the medical maladies I’ve experienced seem to have been sudden and profound, just as Katrina. That’s how my life has changed. And I’ve been instructed to rest, take it easy, slow down, STOP! It’s as though I have been silenced and stilled!

I’ve gone back to visit Carla and it’s quiet there. No sounds of laughter anymore. The former things that brought enjoyment have ceased. The body has to take it easy now and be careful not to overdo things. When I do exert, I feel it and know that I must stop.

It does feel as though life has stopped, but I refuse to accept that sentence. I am NOT dead and I still have life in me. There is still a lot in me that I know I want to carry out and so much that I still have yet to do. I still have a family and I want to see them accomplish what they want in life, get married, and have their own families. Yep, I do want to see grandbabies one day. I want to see my children happy in their own lives. I also want to continue being a blessing to others and touching and impacting lives in a positive way. I want to encourage others to do and be all that they can be. I love it when the light bulb goes off in others and they see in themselves the greatness that I see in them, knowing that God has placed it there.

My life is not over!

No, I did not see the wind blowing when we went back home, nor did I hear any sounds. But unlike that unforgettable experience, I know that I still have the breath of God blowing through me and I have a lot more to say and do. I will NOT be silenced and stilled!

Beyond Sunday

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. ² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:1-2 (NKJV)


God blessed us with the gift of Salvation. But for too many Christians, we sit on our laurels when it comes to our Salvation. We fail to see that although we are saved from hell and eternal death, we also have been given another gift, which is life. 


Until the Lord calls us home, we have an entire and full life right here. This life is more than a Sunday morning worship service. It's more than public praise service. It's much more than bench/pew warming. It's more than serving as usher, choir member, deacon, trustee, and even more than preaching. 


I look at Sunday service as my filling station. The place and time where I show up to get refueled and rejuvenated so that I can live the rest of the week as God's servant. I need my feeding and refueling so that I can live a sacrificial and holy life. I need to have the energy and strength to truly serve God by serving others BEYOND Sunday. 


Real service begins when I depart from the worship service and have to face the world. Real service is my daily life as I strive NOT to be conformed to this world. The transformation that God requires of me is applied outside of the physical walls of the local church. 


I rejoice because I am blessed and honored to be an instrument and vessel for God as I seek to please Him with my reasonable service. This takes place on a daily basis....everyday life....beyond Sunday!

PRESS 1

PRESS 1

I receive the most incredible revelations at the weirdest times when I am doing the most mundane things! God speaks to me truly in mysterious ways, yet He makes it so plain that even I can understand it.

While going through a regular routine of having some of my prescriptions refilled, I saw something so clearly. As I called the pharmacy’s phone number, I followed the normal steps:

1. I listened to the boring recording.
2. I lethargically waited to hear the instructions prompting me on what to do.
3. Voila…here comes the first one……”Press 1 if you are calling to refill a prescription.”
4. I pressed 1 before the familiar recorded voice could finish the sentence.
5. No success….I had to wait for the finished sentence.
6. Ok….now….(finally!)…..”Enter your 5 digit prescription number followed by the # sign.”
7. I eagerly begin to dial in my prescription number….again….before the voice could finish her sentence.
8. No success….again…..I had to wait for the finished sentence.
9. Finally got that first prescription in. Now, “If you would like to fill another prescription, press 1.”
10. Oooops…..forgot to wait for the sentence, so I had to do it again.
11. I did this a number of times for my numerous prescriptions.

Same old routine, yet today, I was hit with a lightening bolt as it profoundly occurred to me that this procedure was just like life!  My life! My eyes were opened to something I’d never seen before…..

You have to wait for the prompts before you can move on to the next step! Wow, ok Lord, pretty deep!  Otherwise, the system isn’t ready for you!!!  Whoa!!! Way deep!!!

Ok, ok…..maybe it’s not THE most philosophical message, but for me at this point in my life, it is relative and timely.  Often, I move, jump, dive, run, and get into things because I feel that I am ready. And really, most of the time, I am ready, however my being ready doesn’t mean that the time is right. When I move WITHOUT waiting for the ENTIRE sentence (or instruction) to be given, then the “system” is not ready for my move. This usually results in unnecessary delays and me having to follow the instructions again…..even numerous times perhaps!

There have been some things that I have wanted to do, or have even tried to do, that were not successful because the time was not right. And I can also clearly…..yep, clearly, recall when the Holy Spirit whispered in my soul that although “I” was ready, others weren’t ready for my plans. The time wasn’t right.

God has placed a lot in me. Many ideas and passions for me carry out. But I realize now that I have to wait for the correct prompt and the right timing (which definitely isn’t necessarily MY timing) to make my move. I have to wait before I can move on to the next step. It is not time to Press 1.

A Month of Sundays

A MONTH OF SUNDAYS

My life has changed, yet once again. I am no stranger to change and redirection in my life. I am familiar with hurt, pain, sorrow, and grief. I am definitely accustomed to anger, bitterness, and confusion. But what is unchartered territory for me is a litany of life-impacting restrictions that I must adhere to now if I want to live.

I want to live.

It has been a month of Sundays since my life took its recent change in the form of Congestive Heart Failure. Then, just to make things interesting, the CHF was compounded with Acute Kidney Failure and severe dehydration.

I am doing better today, although there are still some issues. I am recuperating and adjusting to the adjustments and new lifestyle I must take. This entails the unchartered course I referred to earlier. Suddenly, I am not only restricted on what I can do, but I am instructed on what I cannot do. My entire day and my every thought, it seems, revolves around these restrictions. You can’t do this, and you can’t have that. Those words are forever singing in my head. It honestly has become depressing.

It has really worn me down and out and I am literally overwhelmed. I have cried, I have sulked, I have pouted, I have argued, I have pitied myself, and I have even rebelled.  I guess it’s safe to say that I have acted like a child. A spoiled, entitled brat who have never had boundaries and limitations ever imposed upon them. A child who has never been told “NO” before who has suddenly been told “NO” about everything.

Well, in this month of Sundays, I have had time to stomp and whine, but also to reach up and out of myself to seek God’s divine plan and direction for me. During this time, I missed a month of Sundays of church worship service because I was too weak and not physically ready to return. Being away from church for that long stretch of time was foreign to me and I felt like a fish out of water. It wasn’t my nature. But even in my darkest hours during this rude interruption of life, I have never doubted God.

One thing I have often told my children was that even if they did not agree with me or did not understand why I make certain decisions regarding them, they should respect and trust me enough to know that I would never steer them wrong. I will always have their interest at heart, and I know what is best. During this month of Sundays, God reminded me of that and stressed how I can and should trust Him even when I can’t see what He’s doing. Because He’s God my Father, I know that He will not steer me wrong. I know without a doubt that He knows what’s best for me. I know that He loves me so much, and even more than I can do as a parent, He already knows what’s ahead and has prepared the way for me. I just have to trust Him and have faith.

I may feel restricted and have grieved over what I think I’ve lost, but I am at peace with knowing that God is in total control. That’s good to know because most of the time I feel as though I am out of control. Having faith in God allows me to let go and to rest in Him. I have felt that I can’t do this. I have felt that I cannot possibly meet these new requirements. I have been angry and for the most part, I’ve felt that I am a failure. But during this month of Sundays, God has shown me so much love from and through family and friends who have been strong support for me. He has proven to me that I am not alone.

I actually thank God for this month of Sundays. It has been the most powerful time in my life. Although I realize that I am strong, it is not my strength that is powerful. It is the omnipotence of God that has kept me and continues to keep me as I make it through this new journey. My heart and kidneys may have failed me, but God has consistently proven that He will NEVER fail me.

Carla Y. Nix

July 11, 2012